Christmas is supposed to be a happy time to share with family and friends. But, what happens, when a loved one has died? Can you still celebrate Christmas after such loss? If you feel, you will never be able to enjoy Christmas again, is only natural to feel that way. Christmas will not have the same meaning it used to after someone you love dies. This, however, does not mean you will never be able to enjoy it or you should no longer celebrate it. By reading this blog you will become aware of helpful things you can do to help you find meaning in Christmas again.
We know Christmas can be a very difficult time for a lot of people especially for those whose loved ones have died. This is a time when that loss and loneliness feel greater. We know putting on a brave face and pretending everything is fine and you are not hurting or missing your loved one, is only likely to result in missing that person even more and have a greater sense of loss. This can result in you giving yourself a hard time for not being happy like everyone else around you and isolate yourself from others. This in turn results in not only further grieving, but it can also result in developing depression.
At Vida Psychology we have helped many people find meaning in Christmas after the death of a loved one. Our Vida Psychologists will take the time to talk to you to understand your loss and together develop new traditions you can begin to celebrate at Christmas. This will result in being able to continue grieving for your loved one by acknowledging their loss and at the same time discover a new meaning in Christmas and lasting ways to remember them. This will ensure your loved one continues to be part of the Christmas celebrations and for you to feel connected to others and reduce feelings of isolation and loneliness.
So what are some of the things you can start doing this Christmas?
- Talk to your family and Friends: Be mindful that people around you may not necessarily know how to help you and as silly as it may sound, you may not even know yourself. However, by you talking about it you are letting them know it is OK to talk about your loved one no longer being here.
- Make ‘Me Time’: Plan an activity for yourself – something you may have done with your loved one that was special to you both or something you used to look forward doing for yourself before your loved one died. This will help you re-connect with an old activity you used to enjoy and help you realise your loved one would not have wanted you to be miserable especially at this time.
- Choose who with and where you will spend Christmas: It is important you surround yourself with people who are understanding of your loss.
- Having a Christmas Dish that represents your loved one: Choose your loved one’s favourite dish (it can be a main meal or a dessert) and make sure you let everyone at the dinner table know it was their favourite dish. You can even come up with a name to represent the meaning it had or it has for you. This can become a tradition every Christmas by having it on the menu year after year.
- Making a treasure/memory Box: Ask people to write down a memory (it can be a holiday or something funny) they have of their loved one. One person can then read them out loud at the dinner table or the box is passed around and each person reads their chosen memory out load before placing them in the box.
- Start a Candle ritual: One person lights up a candle and starts sharing a memory (once again, it can be a holiday or something funny). Once the person finishes they choose someone else and light up their candle so they can start sharing their memory and so on. You can then leave the candles burning throughout the rest of your gathering.
- Christmas is time for giving: Australians are very generous but especially at Christmas time. You can choose a Charity and donate in your love one’s name or even volunteer to help out at a Soup Kitchen for instance. You could even buy a gift you may have bought for your loved one and donate it to an Op Shop or other charity.
- Make a decoration in honour of your loved one: Making a decoration that symbolises the presence of your loved one will help in feeling they are part of the Christmas celebrations.
- Be mindful of people telling you what you should do: generally people mean well when they tell you what you should do, especially if they themselves have had a similar loss. Just remember everyone grieves differently and it is important to listen to your needs and trust them.
- Enjoy a drink: It is ok to enjoy a Christmas drink or two, but be mindful of not using it to numb your pain. We know alcohol can heightened sadness.
These are just some ideas of what you can start doing to re-discover Christmas. If you want to start a new tradition is important for you to choose something you will be able to realistically do year every year.
If you have lost a loved one and are struggling with the concept of Christmas, call one of our Psychologists on (03) 9328 8200 to organise an appointment.
By seeking our help you will learn to re-discover the meaning of Christmas and other personal significant anniversaries so you will no longer dread them approaching. You will discover how it is possible to continue having your loved one being part in these celebrations.
