By Kelsie Bufton
Dialectical Behaviour Therapy (DBT) refers to three states of mind to describe our different states of thinking, feeling and behaving: Emotion Mind, Reason Mind, and the ever allusive…Wise Mind. Learning to recognise when you are in these different states of mind can be a helpful way to navigate difficult situations and make decisions that feel right.
So what is Emotion Mind?
Emotion mind is the state of mind when our emotions are in control of our thoughts, feelings and behaviour. We are ruled by our emotions, and facts and reason don’t seem important. Sometimes being in emotion mind is a positive thing, as intense emotions can lead to some of life’s greatest experiences, including love, passion, and creativity. However, things can become problematic when we feel fully controlled by our emotions, and our urge to do or say things. Emotion Mind can make us do things that feel good in the short term, but that we regret in the long-term.
And what is Reasonable Mind?
Reasonable mind is when you are ruled by facts, reason, and pragmatics. Of course the ability to plan things logically is very helpful in many circumstances. Without it we could not build cities, plan holidays, follow a recipe…write a recipe! Reason mind is the cool and calm part of you, and is not something we want to get rid of. But when you are completely in Reasonable Mind you are ruled by logic and facts. Your values and feelings are not important.
And what is Wise Mind?
Wise Mind is often described as a balance between Emotion Mind and Reason Mind. Wise mind describes an inner-wisdom all of us have within us. Although Wise Mind might call upon lived experience, knowledge and common sense, it is often experienced as an intuition. When you know the truth or meaning of an event, without having to analyse it intellectually. Wise mind is often experienced somewhere in our body; some people feel it in the centre of the body as a ‘gut feeling,’ others experience it between the eyes. When we access and apply that inner wisdom in response to a situation, we can say that we are in ‘wise mind’. Wise mind helps us make sense of our thoughts and feelings, and can help guide us to make decisions that fit with the person we want to be, and the life we want to have. For some people, this process is easy, and for others it is harder. But everybody has an inner wisdom, even if it is hard to access or scary to act upon.
Learning to find Wise Mind takes practice (lots of practice!), but once you are there it can feel like seeing the whole picture rather than just part of it. Like knowing the “right” choice in a very difficult situation. Where the feeling comes from deep within, rather than just at the surface where the emotions can sit. When you next find yourself needing to make a difficult decision, you might like to try the following exercise:
- Take a moment to pause, and bring your attention to your breath. Breathing in and breathing out normally, just noticing the rise and fall of your belly.
- Let your attention settle into the centre of your body. As you breath in and out let your attention linger there.
- Now on your inhale, ask yourself the question on your mind. For example, “Should I accept the job? Should I go on the third date?”.
- As you exhale listen for the answer. Do not talk, do not answer.
- Stay with the breath. On the inhale ask the question, on the outbreath listen for an answer.
- See if an answer comes to you. If there is no response, then maybe there is no answer right now.
REFERENCES
Linehan, M. (2014). DBT Skills training manual. Guilford Publications.
