How would you define happiness?
Unsurprisingly, the answers differ, person to person. Some would say family, others would say travel, other might say helping others, or enjoying free time to themselves. The big challenge with happiness is not just that there is no ‘one size fits all’ type but that making our own happiness isn’t always the smooth and easy path we expect it to be.
Acceptance and Commitment Therapy or ACT defines happiness as a ‘rich, full and meaningful life’. This is usually worked towards by ‘taking action on the things that truly matter deep in our hearts, moving in directions that we consider valuable and worthy and clarifying what we stand for in life and acting accordingly’.
If we look that ACT definition, then what becomes clear is that it would be helpful to reframe how we treat happiness; shifting from seeing it as an outcome to viewing it as a process or journey. Therefore, clarifying what we stand for in life i.e. what we value and therefore symbolise and how that makes our life meaningful can help us avoid chasing the evermoving goalposts of ‘outcome-based’ happiness.
If that resonated with you, maybe try this over the next two weeks. Pick five values from the list below and set an intention to live by them each day, even if it brings about uncomfortable thoughts and feelings. At the end of the two weeks reflect on whether you have been living a ‘rich, full and meaningful’ life and if that has been helpful in achieving happiness.
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- Acceptance: to be open to and accepting of myself, others, life etc.
- Adventure: to be adventurous; to actively seek, create, or explore novel or stimulating experiences
- Assertiveness: to respectfully stand up for my rights and request what I want
- Authenticity: to be authentic, genuine, real; to be true to myself
- Beauty: to appreciate, create, nurture or cultivate beauty in myself, others, the environment etc.
- Caring: to be caring towards myself, others, the environment etc.
- Challenge: to keep challenging myself to grow, learn, improve
- Compassion: to act with kindness towards those who are suffering
- Connection: to engage fully in whatever I am doing, and be fully present with others
- Contribution: to contribute, help, assist, or make a positive difference to myself or others
- Conformity: to be respectful and obedient of rules and obligations
- Cooperation: to be cooperative and collaborative with others
- Courage: to be courageous or brave; to persist in the face of fear, threat, or difficulty
- Creativity: to be creative or innovative
- Curiosity: to be curious, open-minded and interested; to explore and discover
- Encouragement: to encourage and reward behaviour that I value in myself or others
- Equality: to treat others as equal to myself, and vice-versa
- Excitement: to seek, create and engage in activities that are exciting, stimulating or thrilling
- Fairness: to be fair to myself or others
- Fitness: to maintain or improve my fitness; to look after my physical and mental health and wellbeing
- Flexibility: to adjust and adapt readily to changing circumstances
- Freedom: to live freely; to choose how I live and behave, or help others do likewise
- Friendliness: to be friendly, companionable, or agreeable towards others
- Forgiveness: to be forgiving towards myself or others
- Fun: to be fun-loving; to seek, create, and engage in fun-filled activities
- Generosity: to be generous, sharing and giving, to myself or others
- Gratitude: to be grateful for and appreciative of the positive aspects of myself, others and life
- Honesty: to be honest, truthful, and sincere with myself and others
- Humour: to see and appreciate the humorous side of life
- Humility: to be humble or modest; to let my achievements speak for themselves
- Industry: to be industrious, hard-working, dedicated
- Independence: to be self-supportive, and choose my own way of doing things
- Intimacy: to open up, reveal, and share myself — emotionally or physically – in my close personal relationships
- Justice: to uphold justice and fairness
- Kindness: to be kind, compassionate, considerate, nurturing or caring towards myself or others
- Love: to act lovingly or affectionately towards myself or others
- Mindfulness: to be conscious of, open to, and curious about my here-and-now experience
- Order: to be orderly and organized
- Open-mindedness: to think things through, see things from other’s points of view, and weigh evidence fairly.
- Patience: to wait calmly for what I want
- Persistence: to continue resolutely, despite problems or difficulties.
- Pleasure: to create and give pleasure to myself or others
- Power: to strongly influence or wield authority over others, e.g. taking charge, leading, organizing
- Reciprocity: to build relationships in which there is a fair balance of giving and taking
- Respect: to be respectful towards myself or others; to be polite, considerate and show positive regard
- Responsibility: to be responsible and accountable for my actions
- Romance: to be romantic; to display and express love or strong affection
- Safety: to secure, protect, or ensure safety of myself or others
- Self-awareness: to be aware of my own thoughts, feelings and actions
- Self-care: to look after my health and wellbeing, and get my needs met
- Self-development: to keep growing, advancing or improving in knowledge, skills, character, or life experience.
- Self-control: to act in accordance with my own ideals
- Sensuality: to create, explore and enjoy experiences that stimulate the five senses
- Sexuality: to explore or express my sexuality
- Spirituality: to connect with things bigger than myself
- Skillfulness: to continually practice and improve my skills, and apply myself fully when using them
- Supportiveness: to be supportive, helpful, encouraging, and available to myself or others
- Trust: to be trustworthy; to be loyal, faithful, sincere, and reliable
RESOURCES
Harris, R. (2011). The happiness trap: Stop struggling, start living. ReadHowYouWant. com.
